| chew me up |
[25 Nov 2008|09:37am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Liar (It Takes Two) - TBS |
] |
( :( )
|
|
| my eye has something in it. |
[04 Dec 2007|09:34am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 discontent |
] |
birthdays are lonely here. no body wants to eat with you or hang out with you. and only your boyfriend calls you, but he is too far away to come hang out with you. no one visits either. no one decorates your door. and even when no one is really calling me at night, you still can't sleep because mr. noisy comes over to hang out with your roommate and annoy and ignore you even though its your birthday. and you just feel like crying because birthdays are supposed to be fun and good days, but you feel really disappointed when it is just like every other day here. whatever.
edit. my birthday got better after this morning. i'm glad. i do wish i could have hung out with todd for a little though.
|
|
| BLAH |
[28 Nov 2007|09:54am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
I have Todd and thats it. No one else cares. No one else calls me or asks me to hang out. Everyone found someone cooler, someone that they like better. I feel like I've been replaced over and over again. I thought going to college with people who used to be my best friends would be fun, but every single one of them found people they like better than me. It's either I don't live close enough to them. Being on the other side of the building is too far apparentally. I thought I barely had any friends senior year, now I know I was wrong. I figured going to state with all my older friends would let us pick off from where we left off, but actually I think they called me more when I lived at home and they lived here. Whenever I do hang out with them, I feel like such a tag along like everyone else in the room was wanted but I wasn't. Why am I so replaceable?
|
|
|
[25 Sep 2007|11:02am] |
|
i wish people used lj more. it was so fun back in the day. and microeconomics is so boring that facebook is definitely not entertaining enough. ha.
|
|
|
[10 Sep 2007|07:51pm] |
|
I feel like updating this, but I don't think anyone will look at it. Oh well. I like MSU a lot. Nicole and I are pretty good roommates together. Our room is really nice too. We put a bunch of my posters which is sweet and Nicole is decorating our loft. It was too hot here at first, but now it is just right. I have made a couple of friends now, but mainly I still just see lots of kids I already knew. I like it a lot when Todd comes to visit. I really like my james madison classes. The teachers are so smart, and I like how in class all we do is discuss stuff. My only homework so far is reading and some essays, not too bad. It makes me nervous though cause people talk about how hard it is. I am just nervous for my first MC201 essay. I heard that last year the highest grade a JMC freshman got was a 2.5 which is pretty shitty considering especially that most of us are pretty smart. I am nervous to have my papers actually like ripped apart. OH well we will see. My french teacher is from Paris so he is pretty cool. He is a really good at teaching though. That class has a horrible time and its everyday, but in general I feel like I am getting better at french. The only class I don't like is Honors Microeconomics. It is super boring. My prof like just lectures and you can't really interupt her cause she doesn't understand your comments ever. And it is two hours of just boring boring boring. I am starting to find my way around state some. Nicole and I have been going on some walks lately. I don't like doing my homework already which sucks lol. I take a lot of naps, but I always feel like I really need them ha. I like going out on the weekends. Most of the parties are pretty fun. I see a lot of people I know everywhere. Hmm I think that is about it for now. BYE.
|
|
| gah.. |
[08 Aug 2007|03:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 curious |
] |
I am very happy right now with Todd. He is my best friend, but sometimes I wish I had a real best friend, ya know a girl one. The one you hang out with all the time and she knows everything about you and helps you figure out all of your problems. A best friend to call whenever I am bored. One who will listen when ever I am upset. One to talk to about boys and other girls. One who always stands up for me and doesn't hate me sometimes. One person to always be there for me especially when a boy isn't there. Its very scary when I look at Todd and he's surrounded by his best friends, and then I look at me and I am alone. I hang out with a friend here or there never routinely. When I am sad or upset, I can only call Todd, but when he feels the same way, he can talk to Dave, Kory, or John too. It is just a scary thought that I am so dependant on one person. I am not exactly sure why I don't have a 'best friend'. I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I mean I really tried to keep my friends, but it seems there is always something that stops me. And I know you can't just make a best friend over night and it can take lots of time, but when you put in a lot of time, sometimes they just bail on you and it stinks. Anyways I am going to MSU on August 22. I am going to miss Todd a lot, but I think we'll be fine with the distance. I just hope that if something heartbreaking happens that I am not so pathetic. I don't want to be so pessimistic about life anymore. I want to be happy and enjoy my time here. I want to love life.
|
|
| honey you should know that I could never go on with out you... |
[11 May 2007|10:37pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
warmness on the soul |
] |
I have not really updated this in forever. I doubt anyone will read it, but it's more for my sake anyways. I'm almost done with my senior year. I'm graduating really soon. I pulled off all of my grades and achieved my goal of sitting on stage. I just took all of my AP tests this past week and hopefully I didn't fail them all ha. Next week I'm going to Cedar Point with Physics. I'm going to France this summer with my mom. I'll be gone from July 17th to the 27th. I'm very excited. I am also going camping this summer. My graduation party is June 24th. I hope it is fun and a lot of my friends come. That would be cool. I hope I get to go to my cottage a lot this summer, but most likely I'll only go up like twice. I wish gas prices weren't high. I still work at Emagine. It's almost my two year, and I hope I save a lot of money this summer. College is expensive. By the way I need a second job. Anybody know any good ones? I'm really excited for MSU in the fall. Nicole and I are going to have a fashionable room! ha. Senior year was good but only because of some friends. I mean it wasn't the same as the previous years though. There was a lot less to do this year. I basically worked and hung out with a couple of friends. Not that I didn't have fun or anything. It was just not my typical social side. I'm starting to get excited for prom with Todd. I was really lazy this year mainly when it came to school though. I kind of just coasted through it. I only studied when I was doing horrible in a class. I love Grey's Anatomy and Desperate Housewives. I CAN NOT WAIT for Pirates 3 to come out. My parents are pretty cool about a lot of things, but I really wish they'd be cool about me sleeping at Todd's house. I hate when I'm over there and I get tired and just want to go to sleep, but no I have to drive home. I wish I liked eating healthy and exercising. Oh I almost forgot about Spring Break. I went to Daytona Beach. There nine girls so obviously a little too much drama. I had fun though. I got a tattoo. I flew in a really small cool plane. That's about all I feel like saying. Maybe I'll update more some other day.
|
|
|
[11 Feb 2007|12:05am] |
|
I don't know what to think or do about a lot of things. I can't figure out my feelings. Do I care? Should I care? I just don't know. My past is always haunting me, ugh. Why am I such a fool?
|
|
|
[09 Jan 2007|09:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
curious |
] |
"I didn't want to be the platform that the man shoots off from; I wanted to be the rocket myself and shoot off in all directions." - The Bell Jar
so finals stress me out!
|
|
| Merry Christmas! |
[24 Dec 2006|01:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
what child is this |
] |
My typical family Christmas card ha. I love my family.
And with this Christmas wish is missed the point I could convey
If only I could find the words to say to let You know how much You've touched my life
Because here is where You're finding me, in the exact same place as New Year's eve
And from a lack of my persistency we're less than half as close as I want to be.
And the first time that You opened Your eyes did You realize that You would be my Savior
And the first breath that left Your lips did You know that it would change this world forever
And so this Christmas I'll compare the things I felt in prior years
To what this midnight made so clear that You have come to meet me here
To look back and think that this baby would one day save me
In the hope that what You did that you were born so I might live
To look back and think that this baby would one day save me
And I, I celebrate the day that You were born to die
So I could one day pray for You to save my life
- I Celebrate The Day by Relient K
|
|
| i love big fat letters from admissions offices haha |
[07 Dec 2006|06:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
death cab for cutie - christmas song |
] |
first of all, i'm going to brag just a little bit cause i'm happy for the most part and even in spite of this damn essay i need to write for english. so I had a great birthday. almost everyone i thought would remembered. at midnight it was a tie between melissa and erin, both sent me like a million forms of happy birthday haha. then of course a couple other sweet people followed. Anyways I got up in the morning to go to school, and Morgan gave me 7 ballons, which I loved! I went to Calc, and Mr. Mallot was not there! We had a study hall, which means I didn't do anything! Then my mom called me out and I had a lovely breakfast with Melissa. I go back to school for french, and instead of doing any work, we sang christmas songs in francais haha. Physics Mrs. Davis made the class sing for me, but we still did work ew. Then, english we just wrote our group essay which today we got back with an 100%. SO no homework for me. After school, I came home and my mom had bought be a bouquet of roses ha since I complained about everyone else getting them besides me. I drove over to my grandma's to say hi and get my bday present. Todd came over, my parents got us lots of Chinese food. We watched American Pie 2 haha. Then, he left, and I watched tv, while eating chocolate fondue with my family since my awesome brother got me a fondue pot. overall, a good birthday, but i still need to buy some porn, lottery tickets, and cigarettes! so besides that I feel pretty accomplished because I was accepted into UofM along with MSU. For MSU, I got into James Madison and the Honors College, which is exactly what I was hoping for. I guess all my hard work paid off. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to MSU, but it is nice knowing that even though I wrote my personal statement on how much affirmative action sucks, UofM still wants me to attend haha. Anyways I just want to get through senior year. It's so hard to stay motivated. I need to bring up my grades, stupid Honors Physics. I'm horrible at it. Worst of all, I just want to sleep. This damn cold weather makes me so cold. I'm glad its december, and this one seems like it might be good. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
|
|
| happy birthday to me |
[03 Dec 2006|11:19am] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i want to save you |
] |
In 41 minutes I'll be 18. All I can say is I hope this birthday is better than last years, and I'm going to be optimistic and say that it will be. Really I hope 18 is better than 17 though thats more of a current worry. I can't handle another miserable year.
|
|
| I willing to bleed for days my reds and greys so you don't hurt so much.. |
[15 Nov 2006|10:43pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
something corporate - break myself |
] |
You're not supposed to be in pain, you're just supposed to cause it. Darling I'm so sorry. If I had my way, I'd stay by your side forever. You're my world.
You don't know me, you don't even care,
She said you don't know me, you don't wear my chains...
She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly em out to Spain...
I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice...
Boston... where no one knows my name...
ps. You get in the biggest fights with the people you care about the most, because those are the relationships you are willing to fight for. ** Unknown
this quote thanks to trista.
|
|
| my eyes burn |
[15 Oct 2006|01:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
4 am forever - lostprophets |
] |
Why did everyone leave me when I needed them the most? I know its not their fault, but I need them. I feel like I have no one to turn to. I want Paul to come over and sit with me all day until everythings better. I want Trista to be just around the corner, so I can just walk to her house. I want Jason to hang out with me every day. I want Nate to talk to me about all my problems. I want to Joe to rescue me. I want to spend time with David. I want my friends back. I want Melissa to stop being a jerk. I want him to like me and stop hurting me so much. I don't want to cry everyday anymore. I don't like having to fake a smile. I hate how emagine is more than half the reason I'm so upset. I hate my managers cause they're asswholes. I hate when I see him walking around with other girls. I hate when he's a douche bag to me. I hate how there are so many new employees. I hate how I feel like no one likes me there. I hate when she doesn't talk to me, but walks by like I don't exist. I wish I was invited to emagine gatherings like I used to be. I like walking around with Todd though cause he usually makes me feel better. I think its funny that almost every shift, I find a corner and cry. I'm so upset, nothing is going my way right now. I hate school. I hate senior year. I just want to leave this hell hole and go to college. and don't get me wrong, I love my friends at Central. Without you guys, I'd literally have no one. and I know I can talk to you, but I don't know its just not the same as talking to the people that have known me for more than 4 years. I miss you. Please come back home, to me.
I guess I'm trying to say I'm sorry,
But it always comes out wrong,
I think a part of you still loves me,
Even though we're moving on.
Always all ways I wanted us to be,
Always all ways you and me.
|
|
| and i never want to say goodbye... |
[09 Oct 2006|11:32pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
lips of an angel - hinder |
] |
I don't like the word replace. I wish everything just stayed the same. I'm not fond of change. But on a lighter note, I can't wait for the fray concert and Nightmare Before Christmas to come out.
"And sit together now and forever, for it is plain as anyone can see we are simply meant to be."
|
|
| can't stop got a date with hate |
[17 Sep 2006|11:03pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lostprophets - A Town Called Hypocrisy |
] |
I love the Lostprophets new ish cd Liberation Transmission. You should probably listen to it.
I don't know what to really say about my life. It's not going very well. I feel really distant from most people. I'm too stressed. Senior year sucks so far. My classes have too much homework. I'm not motivated enough. I'm always tired. I feel like I care more about certain people than they care about me like the people who mean everything to me, I mean nothing to them. Work, I like it somedays and other days it just puts me in a horrible mood. It gets me so depressed. I wish I could express the way I feel to someone else, but I don't know how. I have yet to start applying to colleges. I can't find time to do anything I want, and when I do do something I like, then I feel like I have so much catching up to do on everything I need to do. I miss my college friends. I want to visit them all the time, but I just don't have the time or money to. It feels like I'm missing part of my spine, half the people that used to be my support are gone. and worst of all, I want to fall in love with someone new, someone I've never dated before or liked at all. I want to find someone who makes me completely sure that I'm over every ex I've ever had. I wish I was sure that I actually hated you and that emotion was not just covering another. I dont know anything. I miss you. I love you. I hate you.
Ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out. I wish I knew.
( pictures that i didn't resize )
Why don't you hear me when I'm calling out to you?
Why don't you listen when I try to make it through to you?
|
|
| what makes it so easy for you to be walking by? |
[27 Aug 2006|06:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
coldplay - the scientist |
] |
I've never been so alone in my entire life. I've got absolutely nothing left to loose. I'm hanging by a thread thats bound to snap. Who's going to catch me when I fall?
I could write the best book on underage tragedy.
|
|
| fuck you |
[18 Aug 2006|01:27am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
santa monica |
] |
She said don't you wish you were dead like me.
I fucking hate you.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
beforeugot2cool's journal